If you happened to hear screams echoing from Grandma’s house, don’t worry, it wasn’t murder, it was mayhem of the best kind. Sigma House hosted their 80s Slasher House Party and transformed Grandma’s cozy little abode into a blood thirsty slashers dream. It was a frightful night of fun.
The real star of the evening, though, was none other than Grandma herself. Forget baking cookies, this queen of chaos was baking moves on the dance floor. Witnesses (and slightly traumatized freshmen) report seeing her twerking to “Thriller,”and tossing out witty one-liners sharper than a killer’s knife. She kept every guest laughing and a little afraid of her next comeback. Her energy defied both age and logic! At one point, someone swore she was levitating, though there was no evidence to confirm this.
Guests came dressed in their best slasher inspired outfits. Bloody prom queens, masked maniacs, and many ambitious Freddy Kruegers who clearly spent more time styling than scaring anyone. The vibe was a perfect mix of spooky and silly, with just enough fake blood to make the floor mildly slippery.
The kitchen table was a sight to behold! A buffet of eerie delights that could’ve come straight from a haunted diner. There were cookies shaped like severed fingers, cupcakes that bled raspberry “gore,” and one mysterious glowy green punch that everyone kept refilling despite its suspiciously radioactive color. After a single cup of that neon concoction, guests were reportedly seen busting out dance moves no living person had attempted since 1987. Whatever was in that drink, it had everyone under a spell. One part nostalgia, two parts chaos.
Of course, it wouldn’t be a proper slasher night without a few questionable decisions. Midway through the party, a couple was spotted sneaking upstairs, clearly ignoring the golden rule of horror films: never split up, and never make out! Luckily for them, there was no killer lurking in the shadows. Just a suspiciously creaky floorboards and the faint sound of Grandma probably lurking about making sure her house was not a murder scene.
The rest of the night went off without a hitch or a hitchhiker with a machete, thankfully. The playlist by DJ Abbie Vicious ranged from retro hits to horror soundtrack remixes, and every song seemed to make Grandma more unstoppable on the dance floor.
As the fog settled and the guests stumbled out, some covered in glitter, others in fake blood, but all in laughter, it was clear that the Sigma House had pulled off another legendary event. The 80s Slasher House Party wasn’t just a night of scares and style, it was a night where Grandma proved she’s not only the life of the party but possibly immortal.
Rumor has it, she’s already planning next year’s sequel. So, if you survived this time, consider yourself lucky. And if you didn’t? Well… you’ll be back for the reboot.
