Behind the receptionist desk in the foyer of the admissions building, Rosalind Parker may be your first encounter at Woodcrest University. She describes herself as “the gatekeeper of your dreams and plans.” While answering questions and providing directions, her conversations are memorable for her dry humor and sharp wit.
Having worked at Woodcrest for a few months, Rosalind says, “I’ve mastered the art of pretending to care about directions and events.” As a Communications major and a native of Massachusetts, she balances her studies with sarcasm and amusement, quipping, “It’s a delightful mix of caffeinated lectures and questionable life choices.”
When asked what she is thankful for this Thanksgiving, Rosalind replied, “I’m thankful that I get to sit here and watch people like you make small talk. It’s like a never-ending performance, and I’m the unwilling audience.” She imagines Thanksgiving Day as her time “pretending to enjoy small talk with family while secretly plotting my escape to the nearest couch.” Rosalind also aims to avoid Black Friday, which she describes as “a gladiatorial arena of consumerism.” Instead, she appreciates online shopping: “No crowds, no small talk, just blissful solitude.”
Her view on pets reflects her personality. “Oh, I have pets—an army of plants I occasionally forget to water. They provide more companionship than some people I know.” Rosalind’s sardonic humor conceals a deeper awareness of the world. She draws inspiration from fictional characters who navigate life with sarcasm, believing that her wit helps her cope with life’s absurdities. Her dream dinner companion would be Oscar Wilde because “the conversations would either be brilliant or incredibly awkward, and both sound equally entertaining.”
Although Rosalind’s job as a receptionist may seem mundane, she considers it an unintentional training ground for life. “Juggling endless questions while perfecting the art of sarcasm is a great way to prepare for anything.” Whether guiding a lost student or answering a phone call, she infuses her unique humor into her role, even describing it with a sense of resignation, stating, “It builds character.” When asked where she would prefer to be if not at Woodcrest, Rosalind replied, “Anywhere but here sounds pretty appealing. Maybe a deserted island where I wouldn’t have to deal with human interaction or mind-numbing questions. But then again, I’d probably get bored and start talking to coconuts.”
Rosalind Parker may dismiss her role as merely “the receptionist,” but her presence at Woodcrest is exceptional and distinctly memorable. Behind the desk, she embodies a mix of wit, intellect, and humor, providing a first impression of the university that is anything but ordinary.
